Summer Loooove: Brilliant Fashion in the NEW Sex and the City Movie!! May 29, 2008

Tuesday night I was fortunate enough to be in a seat at the Ritz East for an advanced screening of Sex and the City. Oh My PHucking God. It is amazing. Reuniting with four of my favorite girlfriends was so exciting!! You could feel the enthusiasm in the air as Sarah Jessica Parker’s infamous voiceover re-introduced us to each lady.

The audience literally ohhhhh-ed with anticipation.

Now, I don’t want to give away too much about the movie, but know this: NO ONE DIES! Apparently some ridiculous rumor about Charlotte dying in childbirth is going around! NOT TRUE. Yet, some of our usual complications DO arise. Miranda is riding Steve too hard (although not literally, which is a touchy sexual issue itself), Big and Carrie still have BIG marriage issues, Charlotte continually worries unnecessarily about her family and Samantha, well Samantha never has too much of an issue that a little sex can’t solve, does she? But really, even she encounters an issue she can’t fuck away: fidelity.

Of course I have to mention the 5^th and most prominent character of Sex and the City: FASHION!

I had a full-on couture hard-on for the whole movie.

I absolutely adored almost everything Miranda had on. Especially: this metallic dress worn in the opening scene.

As well as this black and white one worn at an auction scene:

It seems they put Miranda in a lot of geometric prints which I knew would be huge this summer with the 60’s edging back into style. Charlotte is sprouting florals everywhere! As well as clean lines. While Samantha is as bright as a canary. Think tropical yellows, reds and blues.

Carrie as usual, edges between high end tomboy and runway darling. Of course the epitome of lovely is when she dons several different designer wedding gowns for a VOGUE fashion shoot that features the sex and relationships writer as a bride at 40. “The Last Single Girl,” they decide to call the article. Do you not adore this Vivienne Westwood?! AHHH

Each actor brings his and her best, making for some truly emotional scenes. (I cried!!) The editing is fantastic as well. Sooooooo… GO SEE, GO SEE, GO SEE!!

On a softer note, I felt a sort of redemption undercutting the emotional journey we took with our heroine. In the end, the LOVE was apparent, as well as lessons in forgiveness. Which when you think of it, is the biggest expression of unconditional love, is it not??

There have been times watching Sex and The City that my negative attitudes towards love and attachment have only been reinforced.

Mainly that it’s too complicated, not worth it. But as I sat watching four of my beloved characters and their men sit down to dinner in the final scenes of the movie, I got it. Essentially, what the show has always been trying to tell me: have hope. That the search for love is messy, painful, tragic at times even, but in the end, it is found.

It is found.

In the meantime, I’ll collect handbags… go get yourself something NEON. That is an order.

Until Next time,

Phreaked

P.S. Feel free to comment on the movie if you have seen it, or ASK questions on the comments board! Thanks!

Temperance as Dry as a Salt Lake May 22, 2008

In Salt Lake City where Mormon (Church of Later Day Saints) values are tied into every day life, there is a peculiarity in the bar scene for tourists not of that faith.

Bar memberships.

Oh sure, we’ve all heard of private after-hours clubs here in Philadelphia, but this isn’t the same. It’s not about advantage; it’s about encumbering alcohol, or perhaps the sin of drinking. To even enter a bar, especially one fully stocked with both beer AND LIQUOR, you must be a member. This can cost as little as $4 for a 3 month membership or $13 to $30 for a yearly membership. You don’t HAVE TO be a member to drink at a bar establishment, but you have to enter with one.

New liquor laws passed several months ago have pulled malt drinks like Mike’s Hard Lemonade from grocery stores and state-run liquor stores.

Goodness Gracious!! Should a Good Upstanding Mormon wander into a store looking to wet his whistle he might be erroneously deceived!

Sidecars are banned.

Martinis contain one ounce of alcohol. Ewww.

No wonder when I asked for Stoli Bluberri on the rocks they looked at me like I was crazy.

For anyone who visits Salt Lake however, please hit up The Bayou (true Beervana) on 645 State Street, their extensive beer list made me believe I truly saw the face of God. He resides in a frothy Aventinus doppelbock.

For more information on these laws visit here.

Last but not least, would you ever support something like this in Philadelphia??

hah. Why do I even ask?

Summer Loooove: The Sexy One Piece May 22, 2008

I’ve never really been a fan of showing off my stomach.

Yet, I’ve also never been a “big girl.”

I remember my first two-piece vividly. It was burgundy with yellow and silver racing stripes. The top was razor back style accompanied by adorable boy shorts. Not as if the top held anything in, I was 12.

*Looks down* Hmmm… not much has changed.

I grew up with an “outie” belly button. Is that where this shyness came from? “It” mysteriously maneuvered itself inward just in time for my pre- pubescent sexiness to be unleashed.

The Britney fashions of the late 90’s were a tad frustrating for me.

Since then I have spent every swimsuit season in the changing room for up to an hour trying on numerous suits and hating the shape of my hips or the length of my torso or whatever new body image issue I can come up with under the stress of that oh-so-flattering florescent lighting.

The trip to Vegas put me in an upstart to find a new suit. This year I resolved to myself that I had seen an increasing amount of sexy one pieces and gosh darn it, I was going to embrace my conservative side and find the right “onesie” for me. After all, what’s sexier than feeling comfortable??

Some that I love:

..

…..

My lucky number this season is a turquoise halter one piece with a plunging neckline and low cut back. The high cut leg favors my long legs, as the halter shows off my shoulders and neck. My La Blanca suit also features gold hardware.

Lose the quasi-ethnic beading and THIS is my suit…

So what are everyone’s favorite beaches to hit? Local or not, let me know!!

Getting Back into the Swing of Things May 22, 2008

Hey everyone,

I’m finally back from my vacation. I was barely able to make it to a computer!! So I’ll post about the good, bad and ugly of the crazy-dirty Southwest over the coming week. I’ll still be covering phantastic Philadelphia as well of course. Soon I expect be be launching a weekly calendar of events… places you need to!

So where was I exactly? First I hit up Salt Lake City for two days, then beau and I pilgrimaged to Zion National Park in southern Utah (absolutely breathtaking), from there we made our way to Las Vegas for three nights, and then drove pedal to-the-metal until we hit Dallas. Every city was a new experience for me, I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about what this vast country has to offer. Zounds!! National treasures abound!

REAL National Treasures mind you, not a certain radio show host by the name of Michael Savage whose radio show I picked up on my way through Arizona. A depressing, dried-up homophobe whose love for himself greatly surpasses his love for his country. This egotistacle closet(ed)-case when speaking about his high ratings had the audacity to sputter out, (and I quote) “… that’s why Michael Savage is a national treasure.” Third person, reallllllly?

Look at this propagandist. He’s as bad as Bill O’Reilly.

Phreaked is going to puke.

Phhhhreaked for the Desert May 12, 2008

In case you’ve been wondering where your Phreaked bitch has been, I migrated to the Southwest for some education on desert survival and polygamy revival.

Leaving Salt Lake City behind, I’ll be traveling a few hours southwest to Zion National Park. We’ll be roughing it in just a sleeping bag under the stars and I can’t wait!

At the same time, I’m a little nervous to be so isolated from other people and society. I’m a city girl at heart now and wide open spaces creep me out a bit. I just don’t want any The Hills Have Eyes shit goin’ down.

Ugly people just freak me out, whether they’re radioactive hillbilly mutants or redneck Mormons dressed in homemade fashions.

That dress is from the pre-Jurassic period, is it not? (btw, Mormons don’t believe in dinosaurs).

1st Date Mental Prep May 9, 2008

1- When You Mix Scents You Smell like a Hooker…

(Getting Cute)

First off– get everything off. Shave everywhere.

What to do with what hair you have left: Massage your scalp with your finger tips during shampooing to help give your hair that extra lift at the root. Models actually shampoo and condition their hair in cold water because it is less damaging. My hair is so much silkier and easier to manage when I do this.

You could pull a Bridget Jones and not shave or wear cute underwear as a way of de-whoring yourself. Yet when you’re hard-up, you’re hard-up and your pure intentions will just be seen as grooming laziness when the pants come off. He Will Remember…

In terms of your face…I mean, I hope he looks at that more than your cootchie tonight, but think simple. Don’t let eye and lip color compete and when in doubt with hair; go straight!

2- Masturbation is a Great Stress Reliever

So you’re pinned, zipped, waxed, powdered, tweezed, moisturized, buffed and of course, stretched, but still not feeling ready in any sort of way because you’ve hyped yourself up by being over critical of your body hair, zits, fly-aways, nail beds, bony elbows, short eyelashes, funky toes, k-ankles…. Well, you get the idea. Time to relax and remember that the outside is just the beautiful gift-wrap; the actual prize is You.

Read a book, paint your toenails, listen to music or clean the house. Anything that calms you and takes your mind off the first date giddiness

If you were a man this might include having a few beers with the ‘bro-skis’ or an easing of the mind with Mary Jane. (Just kidding, But no, REALLY, I found out further into our relationship that one boyfriend came on our first date high because he was so phreaking nervous!)

3- Dolla, Dolla Bills Y’All

(Sorry, I’m not trying to call you a stripper)

Bring Money!! While I would like to assume that any man worth dating would cover the first date, be prepared. Anticipate where you might be going and plan accordingly. Spring for coffee. Girls who offer to pay for little treats here and there show themselves to be generous, as well as thankful for the time they are spending with this new beau.

4- He’s Kinda Hot When He Strikes Out

Plan an after-date activity, preferably something that works off a gluttonous dinner. In Philly?? Try games at Dave and Busters, Lucky Strike Lanes or North Bowl. Perhaps sip wine at Vintage or Tria. Pickup a dessert at Naked or Capogiro and then mosey on down to Washington Square for a walk and talk.

One of my most memorable first dates was when my friend Gene offered me four different choices of places to go after our dinner (color me shocked: this rarely happens with most other men!!): Movies, Vintage, Dave and Busters, or Tavern on Camac. As soon as he mentioned what a maven he is at air hockey, You knew it was ON. We each won one game and it was great to see each other’s competitive streaks. (Unfortunately somewhere in our time at D&B’s he lost his wallet and I was happy to pay for the cab… once again, Bring Cash!!)

5-Or Doesn’t…Use Your Love Tonight

(When a 1^st Date turns into a 1 Night Stand)

Yes, I’ve been eluding to this the whole article. Whether you think I’m calling you a slut or you just get that it’s the 21^st century– it is what it is. Everyone is hoping for a great connection on the first date, but let’s not pretend you weren’t hoping his penis would connect with your cervix too. (Too far, huh?) I’ll let Chelsea Handler take the reigns and regale you with proper One Night Stand Etiquette. It’s only polite people.

“We should do this again, the sex part that is.”

skip to 2:12, best parts!

Head, Roll, Door. I’m Out

Gotta leave you wanting more baby.

Phreaked

Philly in Review: Warsaw Cafe May 9, 2008

Away from the loud engines of cars whizzing along Spruce Street towards the pricy offerings of nearby Rittenhouse Square lies the Warsaw Café. Tranquilly tucked between the residences of 16th Street its charm strikes oh so delicately in the face of the pretentious Center City West ‘scene’. I’m not here to talk about your Christian Louboutin sandals, I want to eat.

This Polish Café salutes everything European- comforting in a place where we take our out-of-town friends to a grease pit on 7th and Passyunk as our city’s gastronomic goodie.

No florescent lights here.

Warsaw’s store front is completely comprised of windows overlooking a quiet street. Burgundy and cream walls adorned with European Art Noveau advertisements and nature scenes create a pleasantly pedestrian feel. Red table tops adorned with small shaded lamps and red carnations in glass vases are set off against royal purple napkins, which feature traditional place settings. Two Forks? Do guests get to take one home?!?

Warsaw’s small details create real atmosphere. The ostentatious shock value which seems to run rampant in Center City is no where to be found.

An extensive beer list is on hand, consisting of many Belgians yet, surprisingly only one Polish beer. A FranzisKaner Hefe-weissbier at 17 ounces, however, is enough to last you from appetizer to dessert. We start with the sausage and kraut (cabbage) perogies. The thick flaky dough overpowers the internal taste of the Polish meat pocket in some instances but is brought back to life with the addition of sour cream and scallions.

Entrees come after a reasonable time. The stuffed cabbage leaves are encouraged with veal, sausage, onion, rice, mushrooms and herbs. All this is topped with a perfectly light tomato sauce. Rough-cut steamed tomato and zucchini as well as roasted potato are perfectly paired with this rustic dish. Absolutely savory and satisfying. The cabbage skin of this dish simply falls apart with the light touch of a fork; spilling out perfectly seasoned rice and sausage. Another entrée, the Swiss Chicken, is on special tonight. Lightly battered in dough containing paprika and brown sugar, it was piled high on a bed of rice and topped with a plum sauce. A filling meal but slightly bland. More plum sauce please!

Moving to a sweeter spot, Warsaw meets overwhelming success. The Linzer Tort stikes at the heart of a raspberry enthusiast. Furthermore, the tort’s butter almond crust creates the same melt-in-your-mouth sensation you would expect from a cheesecake. A baker’s dream!!

This dough, so soft and smooth in texture, is the perfect contrast to the sweet but slightly bitter and grainy impression of the preserves. What remains: an engaging berry and nut sensation mingling on the lips.

The Warsaw Café is one of only three Polish eateries in Philadelphia; the others being scattered in Manyunk and Fishtown. The Polish were one of the first large settlements of immigrants to Philadelphia in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s, yet it seems Philadelphia’s Polish ancestry has taken off to the burbs, making way for the fusion/continental samplings of those immigrants still currently in the city, particularly those of Latin or Asian descent. Regardless, when you’re searching for comfort food remember the simplicity of a Warsaw meal; hot, well-rounded and served with true ambience at no extra cost.

Warsaw Café
305 S. 16^th Street
(between Pine and Spruce)
Philadelphia, PA 19103
215.546.0204

Date or Group?? Both!
Good Service?? Terrific, friendly and knowledgably staff
Alcohol Situation?? Extensive beer and wine list. Yay!
Payment? Credit Cards and cash are both accepted

So Go Already!!!

Robyn: robbin’ my heart, wit dem cute melodies gurrrl May 7, 2008

This Wednesday has me reflecting on the absolutely amazing concert I saw at the TLA last week. Robyn of Sweden, of the 10-year-old-hit-”Show Me Love”-fame, phucking rocked the house with some brand new r&b/pop/funk amazingness.

How did I get reintroduced to her? With “BE MINE”. So catchy!

At one point she was so surprised by Philly’s enthusiasm she said: “Wow, I never even knew you guys existed.” I think she was touched. Apparently she has a growing fan base in that scary state of Texas too.

A special thanks to Fabulous Times Master Extraordinaire; Joe Harris Not only for inviting me along but reintroducing me to this EuroPop-Fantastic-Ness.

To be corny, we could say he showed me love….

Enjoy!

The Best of Philly Service: Snarky Bitches May 7, 2008

I GUESS THAT INCLUDES ME TOO

Here is a recap my Sunday wanderings of 4-27-08

LOIE: “Excuse me, you’re breathing my air.”

Loie has a $25 fix price brunch menu I have just been dying to take advantage of. It includes unlimited mimosas, bloody marys or a bottle of champagne… which is not nearly enough for a guzzling fun group like mine.

Our reservation for 4 at 12:30 hits a snag. We have an addition. When I call Loie the hostess explains they only have 4 outside tables and she just couldn’t allow my group to take 3 of those. Which didn’t exactly answer my question about adding a chair to the end of the existing reserved table, but uh, yeah sure. How very democratic of you darling.

I tell Colin to ditch his boyfriend. He suggests Valanni instead.

VALANNI: A Most-Exellent Journey

Our very glass eyed blonde-Keanu of a waiter (‘Bogus Dudes!’) comes over to describe one of the specials as a biscuit-sort-of-thing which we later interject must be called a benedict. “Uh yeah that’s it! Uh, sorry guys I am soooo huuung over.”

Honesty. Refreshing.

I order the special omelet which contained ham, spinach and fontina cheese. My boyfriend? The Monte Cristo. (ham, turkey and swiss between two pieces of French toast). Simply put, I make him order all the fattening things I would be too ashamed to get!

Time passes, we tell stories with all the panache of Gayborhood fruits about all the Gayborhood staples. Yet, as the cold starts to set into our bones, we realize we’ve been waiting an hour since we ordered our food. Lovely, perfect boyfriend goes inside to talk to the manager who assures him our food will be out in 5 minutes. She comes to the table and explains our check being lost due to a morning power outage and renovations.

Never accept technical difficulties for your food having taken longer than necessary.

EVEN if this were true, after about a half an hour any observant server should have thought to check with the kitchen about our order. It still comes down on shitty service. I call her bluff. I ask, wasn’t the restaurant open for nearly 2 hours before we even sat down? So has this been happening all day, checks being lost? Shouldn’t our waiter be aware? Or did this just happen to us? By the uncomfortable look on her face I judge she’s realized I am not a typical patron.

I am a waitress, hear me roar.

She offers to buy us another round of drinks and we ask for more coffee as well. After 10 more minutes, however, we call her to the table again. The food has not come. We had to ask the server once again for the coffee we requested from her. (Ideally a more appeasing manager would have brought the coffee herself with another round of mea culpas).

Where is the rest of the food? As someone who works every Sunday I was looking forward to a nice day out but that has obviously not happened. Only half the plates are out and while the kitchen has done a fine job, I feel like our waiter has been avoiding us since this whole thing went down. Why should I pay for this prison treatment?

But even I don’t have the audacity to ask for a free meal. Instead I firmly state I want the check to reflect this atrocity.

When our check is brought it is roughly $100 after $85 was taken off. Not even 50%. Once more, the free round she promised us? Well, that comprises $50 of the comp. Truly generous, discounting a round we didn’t even really want. That doesn’t make it genuinely free, sneaky bitch. Oh, and the Monte Cristos were absolutely soggy…

She finally lowers it to $57. Sadly, I work right around the corner from here and I will NEVER recommend it to anyone again.

EL VEZ: Como Estas, Bitch?

So while Valanni was obviously so. much. fun, We decided to make our way to the El Vez bar. The boys ordered a pitcher of the Sangria. When I tried to order a pitcher of the Tequila Tea (same price individually as the sangria) I was told that it would ruin the quality of the drink… and not so much in a polite way.

“Well, the tequila tea is topped with lemonade and to do that in a pitcher would ruin the quality.” Stupid bitch-face tries to peer over her tits to give me her best fake smile.

Isn’t a pitcher like a really huge glass?? Anyways, I yield. I seem to be doing a lot of that today. I order one tequila tea (which was admittedly delicious) and my boytoy orders a coconut flavored coochi coochi. He really loves any allusions to vag.

Finishing our round, Ian comes up with the inspired idea of heading to the Franklin Institute for an IMAX movie. We can even stop in at the Mutter Museum he muses. I’ve never seen the museum of medical oddities and am a bit excited.

MUTTER?: No, Grunt and Die!

Upon reaching the Mutter Museum we realize we only have about 45 minutes to tour around. Admission is $12. Assessing if it is really worth it considering the time crunch; my boyfriend asks a very smart question: “Exactly how many items do you have on display?” This is a statistical question, and yet, the desk attendant’s answer?:

“Uh, we have A LOT of items on display,” she dribbles while nodding her blonde teased Mom-hair. A lot? Oh really, so like 60 or 300?

She tells us more arbitrary piddle about how some people could breeze through the “cramped room” in 45 minutes, while others could spend 3 hours. Hmmm, well I don’t think I’ll waste another minute here.

For the record, the Mutter Museum website claims to have 20,000 items in it’s collection. Wow. That is “a lot”.

Join the carnival midway LADY!! You are certainly good at being annoying vague in an attempt to sell freaks. Steeeeeeeeep Rigggght Up!!!!!

IMAX @ FRANKLIN: Nasty Dinosaurs, a lot kinder than humans.

The IMAX is the only place where things today seem to go according to plan. Or at least a good business model.

We had our hearts set on seeing Leia’s cinnabon hair enveloping Carrie Fisher’s frosting-white pasty face, but the Star Wars show doesn’t start until 7.

Dinosaurs it is, which doesn’t really tell me anything I didn’t know from paying attention to the million trips we took to various museums of natural history in my childhood.

Admittedly these scientists say there is no way to know for sure what sounds these animals made. With their relation to birds, however, I am forced to ask why Jurassic Park didn’t have them sing tweet-tweet before they sunk their massive teeth into a cow. Now that would be truly Phreaked up.

We were entertained!

MEXICAN POST: Montezuma’s Revenge?

Leaving the boys, my man and I decide to head to the Mexican Post at LOVE park for something spicy. Construction in front of the restaurant seems to be limiting foot traffic because we thought the restaurant was closed when we approached it. Dark and without any customers visible. Ugh to the whole experience. My chicken avocado salad sounded delish but when the plate arrived left little to be desired.

I expected grilled chicken but instead got the shredded innards from some chicken taco instead.

Dry and Bland.

Dressings left little to be desired: ranch, chipotle ranch, bleu cheese, and finally oil and vinegar. Which I didn’t think exactly complemented my meal but I decided to mix it with some salsa and see if I could create something decent out of it.

It looked A LOT like this when we were there. Now I know why.

I forgot Sunday is typically the grunt shift which must explain why this day just reeked of bad service.

Where We Went

Valanni:13^th & Spruce

El Vez: 13^th and Sansom

Mutter Museum: 22^nd btwn Chestnut and Market

Franklin Museum: 20^th and Ben Franklin Parkway

Mexican Post: At Love Park on 16th.

Where You Should Go Instead

Caribou Café: 12^th and Walnut

Raw (for Fruit Infused Sake): 13^th and Sansom

Rodin Musuem: 22^nd and Ben Franklin Parkway

Franklin Museum: Don’t Forget the Giftshop!!

Love Park (bring your own picnic dinner): Hell, even WAWA hoagies would be better

Summer Loooove: It’s a Battlefield May 7, 2008

Gladiators. The shoe of course, although if you can find a sexy bronzed Spartan to escort you about Walnut Street as you wear these, please do.

A favorite fashion warrior look? The knee high gladiator of course. The style graced the worst dressed pages in 2007 on the likes of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, but 2008 will prove to be the year of the Gladiator!!

Furthermore, NEVER doubt the Olsens. MK single-handedly brought back cowboy boots, tights (abet, ripped) AND oversized dresses YEARS before so-called fashion merchandisers saw the light. Ashley’s new line The Row is simply ingenious.

What to pair it with: This look is not for everyone. You must have the long slender legs to pull off short dresses (or short shorts) with flats. Remember not to go overboard with skin. If you are showing off your legs, keep the chest under wraps, also, do not over accessorize. Knee high gladiators are a statement all on their own. Throw on some sunglasses and stroll the shops diva!!

Other gladiator considerations:

If you are shorter and curvier consider a heel with a T-strap to balance you as well as keep you trendy!

These ‘halfies’ as I like to call them are perfect for longer outfits and just $20!! Phreaking unbelievable!