Philly Horrendous
I did not need to see that this morning…
You, hauling up the Spring Garden subway steps in your patchwork plaid shorts.
I think this might have been an attempt to look like a coquette co-ed on your way to the Community College, alas, these Amazing Technicolor Dreamshorts do not hide the fact you look at least 35, and indeed, only create a larger fat-ass.
I’m not saying clad yourself in black alone. But as I watched you, I could only think the manufacturers of these “short shorts” truly did you a disservice by making these in your size.
May I suggest some capris without “spectra-vision”? You’re a shorter, curvier woman so choose a length about knee level as to not look even smaller… may I suggest:
They hug you at your waist, one of your tiniest parts and will accentuate that great lower curve of your back but flare out from there leaving your legs feeling free.
This is going to be a hot sticky summer in Filthadelphia mamn, and I don’t need you running around pretending to be any spring chick. CAMOUFLAGE that cellulite, NOW!
