Phreaked Beginnings: Julia Child is my kindred August 15, 2008

Howdy!

Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA lately folks! I’ve been doing some moving but on top of that developed a nasty case of strep! I know, I know, who gets sick in the middle of the summer?

Today is cause for celebration however, because it is Phreaked’s birthday!! (Same day as stealth-with-a-spatula Julia “I bake metal files into pies” Child)

Diabolical

It’s shaping up to be a lovely day in the city and I was up early to enjoy it. Grabbed some coffee (fab) and a bagel (eh) from Manhattan Bagel and then strolled through Rittenhouse. It was one of those lovely, perfect moments that makes me happy I was born.

I have plenty of Philly in Review coming your way in the next week: dishing on the dishes of Ten Stone, The Sidecar Bar and Grill and The Creperie… I ALSO have been trend forecasting Fall Fashion 2008! Found y’all some truly unique items online which I will be sure to post! Please be patient and stay tuned!!

My plan for today is to grab lunch with some friends at Honey’s Sit and Eat (a FAV) and then later tonight I want to try some place “new to me.” I was thinking maybe My Thai or Palace at the Ben??

Any suggestions? Sound Off!!

Philadelphia is the 5th Most Walkable City!! August 1, 2008

Courtesy of Philadelphia Inquirer…

Original rating on Walkscore.com

This is so true! Walking for the most part is my main means of travel. Which is good, since I’m lazy and don’t like to work out (Philadelphia fatness rubbing off on me apparently.)

I took a little hike around in the middle of July (after STUFFING myself with Maoz which I mentioned last week). I walked from 12th and Walnut over and up to 16th and Vine to check out my favorite statue and then hightailed it over to the Art Museum to take photos of the fleeting light on the Schuylkill. After that I moseyed through the Fairmount Section to the Broad and Green St. It was about 3.5 miles I believe. Here are some of my photos

I URGE you to get out in all this while the weather is still beaut. Reconnect with this city!

Is God Mad at Philly? July 25, 2008

Maybe this seems a little late, but can you believe those storms Wednesday night?

O.M.Phucking.G.

ohhhh gurrrrrrrrrrl! Des bout to be some shit goin' down TOnight!

I actually got caught outside walking Thompkins, my beloved lil gentleman, when it started pouring.

I check the weather obsessively so I had brought my massive-ist Mary Poppins-like umbrella which I immediately popped open. We also stood under a tree because…

Thompkins just TOO diva to walk in the rain bIAtches!!

(Said in Phreaked’s best N. Philly trannie hooker voice)

When it had cleared, or so I thought, we started walking again, only to make it two blocks before THE Heeeavens Opened Up and Raineth Down Vengeance My Child!!

Imagine me, between the marble columns of an apartment building, trying to seek shelter… only to huddle in the corner of the apartment landing with my umbrella strategically moving to whatever directing the wind was trying to wisk away me and my lil black dog. Wicked!!

We managed to stay pretty warm and dry as the thunder was BOOMING and lightening CRACKING right above our heads. CRAZY

I know I should have just jumped in a cab, but I was kind of having fun roughing it.

Then again, I used to play “orphans” instead of “house” when I was little. Maybe I read too many Boxcar Children Books…

Don't worry Benny, we're just going to squat here until our rich Grandpa comes and saves us

Oh, Lady of the Night July 17, 2008

I composed this letter in my head last night as I was trying to take my dog for a late-night jaunt and found myself aggravatingly trolling behind a ‘lady’ of questionable reputation.

Trannie-licious…

Dearest Trannie Hooker,

I know you feel the need to saunter, shaking that jello-o all about, what with, trying to attract the ‘Johns’ and all… but could you please speed it up before I let my dog chomp on your STD-ridden ass? We both know what corner you’re walking to, so get your ass there already. Slut. And a word of advice, stop looking behind you at every car that passes darling, it looks a little desperate. Oh, wait. Nevermind, Get Money Guuuuuurl!

Always Your Neighborhood Bitch,

Phreaked

Eventually I just crossed the street… and then on the way back home I think I saw one of her ‘co-workers’ coming out from behind some building with a guy. Ah, Philly at it’s best.

I am a “Woman For Obama” July 10, 2008

Saw this in the morning’s METRO: Obama targets Women’s issues with Cinton at hand They didn’t capitalize the “W” in “Women’s issues,” but I WILL.

Honestly, I used to be a “Woman for Clinton,” a woman for women!!
A lesbian,if you will.

Hah. Yes, (*sings*) I voted for a girrrrl, AND I liked it!! Anyways, I’ve been a little overdone with all this hard campaigning and I’m glad that we Democrats finally have a candidate.

Hils is my homegirl!!!! I’m even more proud of her for being SO SMART AND SOPHISTICATED, realizing that Obama needs her support in kicking the Republicans to the curb!!

Where My Girls At?

It seems “Women’s issues” are strictly abortion and equal pay. McCain feels that women are underpaid not because of discrimination, but because they “need more education and training.” Hows about some sex training? Ut oh, dirty.

I have an idea… Let’s take money from anti-abortion groups’ “Maniacal Arts & Crafts treasury” (I have a feeling they spend a hell of a lot of money on poster board, puffy paint, and glitter. Oh, and printer ink isn’t cheap– ya know, for images of fetuses) AND siphon that cash into a scholarship program for women to get their MBA’s!

Wow I am such a problem solver. No worries, I won’t be getting too political on you Philly… what with the fact we know this city will go to Obama. So what’s there to cover?

Philadelphia Freedom July 7, 2008

So I’m finished Red, White and Boozing it. Alas, people just don’t know how to party like they used to, kick it olde school, chillax. The forefathers knew the true meaning of hootenanny.

Yo Dude, Philadelphia- 1st City of Freedom, For White Men.

Of course the amount of tourist combing the streets of the nation’s first capital was astounding. The actual day, I flew under the radar just choosing to have dinner with a few friends and fall asleep to the John Legend concert on TV. (Phreaked don’t do crowds baby) Not that John wasn’t rocking it; he performed with my lady Estelle too, but I was full of delicious steak, corn-jalepeno muffins, potato salad and MORE! Don’t worry, I made up for it Saturday night.

Time to get back to work.

The week ahead:

‘Raising a Toast’ -The featured coctail I just can’t get out of my head… and where to get it

‘Red Hott Wedding’ – The color red makes a commitment

‘Spot O’ Lunch’ – Profiling a great lunch spot in Center City

Check back in soon!

Mizz Thang June 27, 2008

Philly Horrendous

I did not need to see that this morning…

You, hauling up the Spring Garden subway steps in your patchwork plaid shorts.

I think this might have been an attempt to look like a coquette co-ed on your way to the Community College, alas, these Amazing Technicolor Dreamshorts do not hide the fact you look at least 35, and indeed, only create a larger fat-ass.

I’m not saying clad yourself in black alone. But as I watched you, I could only think the manufacturers of these “short shorts” truly did you a disservice by making these in your size.

May I suggest some capris without “spectra-vision”? You’re a shorter, curvier woman so choose a length about knee level as to not look even smaller… may I suggest:

They hug you at your waist, one of your tiniest parts and will accentuate that great lower curve of your back but flare out from there leaving your legs feeling free.

This is going to be a hot sticky summer in Filthadelphia mamn, and I don’t need you running around pretending to be any spring chick. CAMOUFLAGE that cellulite, NOW!

Summer Loooove: Brilliant Fashion in the NEW Sex and the City Movie!! May 29, 2008

Tuesday night I was fortunate enough to be in a seat at the Ritz East for an advanced screening of Sex and the City. Oh My PHucking God. It is amazing. Reuniting with four of my favorite girlfriends was so exciting!! You could feel the enthusiasm in the air as Sarah Jessica Parker’s infamous voiceover re-introduced us to each lady.

The audience literally ohhhhh-ed with anticipation.

Now, I don’t want to give away too much about the movie, but know this: NO ONE DIES! Apparently some ridiculous rumor about Charlotte dying in childbirth is going around! NOT TRUE. Yet, some of our usual complications DO arise. Miranda is riding Steve too hard (although not literally, which is a touchy sexual issue itself), Big and Carrie still have BIG marriage issues, Charlotte continually worries unnecessarily about her family and Samantha, well Samantha never has too much of an issue that a little sex can’t solve, does she? But really, even she encounters an issue she can’t fuck away: fidelity.

Of course I have to mention the 5^th and most prominent character of Sex and the City: FASHION!

I had a full-on couture hard-on for the whole movie.

I absolutely adored almost everything Miranda had on. Especially: this metallic dress worn in the opening scene.

As well as this black and white one worn at an auction scene:

It seems they put Miranda in a lot of geometric prints which I knew would be huge this summer with the 60’s edging back into style. Charlotte is sprouting florals everywhere! As well as clean lines. While Samantha is as bright as a canary. Think tropical yellows, reds and blues.

Carrie as usual, edges between high end tomboy and runway darling. Of course the epitome of lovely is when she dons several different designer wedding gowns for a VOGUE fashion shoot that features the sex and relationships writer as a bride at 40. “The Last Single Girl,” they decide to call the article. Do you not adore this Vivienne Westwood?! AHHH

Each actor brings his and her best, making for some truly emotional scenes. (I cried!!) The editing is fantastic as well. Sooooooo… GO SEE, GO SEE, GO SEE!!

On a softer note, I felt a sort of redemption undercutting the emotional journey we took with our heroine. In the end, the LOVE was apparent, as well as lessons in forgiveness. Which when you think of it, is the biggest expression of unconditional love, is it not??

There have been times watching Sex and The City that my negative attitudes towards love and attachment have only been reinforced.

Mainly that it’s too complicated, not worth it. But as I sat watching four of my beloved characters and their men sit down to dinner in the final scenes of the movie, I got it. Essentially, what the show has always been trying to tell me: have hope. That the search for love is messy, painful, tragic at times even, but in the end, it is found.

It is found.

In the meantime, I’ll collect handbags… go get yourself something NEON. That is an order.

Until Next time,

Phreaked

P.S. Feel free to comment on the movie if you have seen it, or ASK questions on the comments board! Thanks!

Temperance as Dry as a Salt Lake May 22, 2008

In Salt Lake City where Mormon (Church of Later Day Saints) values are tied into every day life, there is a peculiarity in the bar scene for tourists not of that faith.

Bar memberships.

Oh sure, we’ve all heard of private after-hours clubs here in Philadelphia, but this isn’t the same. It’s not about advantage; it’s about encumbering alcohol, or perhaps the sin of drinking. To even enter a bar, especially one fully stocked with both beer AND LIQUOR, you must be a member. This can cost as little as $4 for a 3 month membership or $13 to $30 for a yearly membership. You don’t HAVE TO be a member to drink at a bar establishment, but you have to enter with one.

New liquor laws passed several months ago have pulled malt drinks like Mike’s Hard Lemonade from grocery stores and state-run liquor stores.

Goodness Gracious!! Should a Good Upstanding Mormon wander into a store looking to wet his whistle he might be erroneously deceived!

Sidecars are banned.

Martinis contain one ounce of alcohol. Ewww.

No wonder when I asked for Stoli Bluberri on the rocks they looked at me like I was crazy.

For anyone who visits Salt Lake however, please hit up The Bayou (true Beervana) on 645 State Street, their extensive beer list made me believe I truly saw the face of God. He resides in a frothy Aventinus doppelbock.

For more information on these laws visit here.

Last but not least, would you ever support something like this in Philadelphia??

hah. Why do I even ask?

Getting Back into the Swing of Things May 22, 2008

Hey everyone,

I’m finally back from my vacation. I was barely able to make it to a computer!! So I’ll post about the good, bad and ugly of the crazy-dirty Southwest over the coming week. I’ll still be covering phantastic Philadelphia as well of course. Soon I expect be be launching a weekly calendar of events… places you need to!

So where was I exactly? First I hit up Salt Lake City for two days, then beau and I pilgrimaged to Zion National Park in southern Utah (absolutely breathtaking), from there we made our way to Las Vegas for three nights, and then drove pedal to-the-metal until we hit Dallas. Every city was a new experience for me, I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about what this vast country has to offer. Zounds!! National treasures abound!

REAL National Treasures mind you, not a certain radio show host by the name of Michael Savage whose radio show I picked up on my way through Arizona. A depressing, dried-up homophobe whose love for himself greatly surpasses his love for his country. This egotistacle closet(ed)-case when speaking about his high ratings had the audacity to sputter out, (and I quote) “… that’s why Michael Savage is a national treasure.” Third person, reallllllly?

Look at this propagandist. He’s as bad as Bill O’Reilly.

Phreaked is going to puke.