Phreaked

A Philadelphia Magazine

Temperance as Dry as a Salt Lake May 22, 2008

In Salt Lake City where Mormon (Church of Later Day Saints) values are tied into every day life, there is a peculiarity in the bar scene for tourists not of that faith.

Bar memberships.

Oh sure, we’ve all heard of private after-hours clubs here in Philadelphia, but this isn’t the same. It’s not about advantage; it’s about encumbering alcohol, or perhaps the sin of drinking. To even enter a bar, especially one fully stocked with both beer AND LIQUOR, you must be a member. This can cost as little as $4 for a 3 month membership or $13 to $30 for a yearly membership. You don’t HAVE TO be a member to drink at a bar establishment, but you have to enter with one.

New liquor laws passed several months ago have pulled malt drinks like Mike’s Hard Lemonade from grocery stores and state-run liquor stores.

Goodness Gracious!! Should a Good Upstanding Mormon wander into a store looking to wet his whistle he might be erroneously deceived!

Sidecars are banned.

Martinis contain one ounce of alcohol. Ewww.

No wonder when I asked for Stoli Bluberri on the rocks they looked at me like I was crazy.

For anyone who visits Salt Lake however, please hit up The Bayou (true Beervana) on 645 State Street, their extensive beer list made me believe I truly saw the face of God. He resides in a frothy Aventinus doppelbock.

For more information on these laws visit here.

Last but not least, would you ever support something like this in Philadelphia??

hah. Why do I even ask?

 

Phhhhreaked for the Desert May 12, 2008

Filed under: Thoughts, Travel — phreaked @ 6:18 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

In case you’ve been wondering where your Phreaked bitch has been, I migrated to the Southwest for some education on desert survival and polygamy revival.

Leaving Salt Lake City behind, I’ll be traveling a few hours southwest to Zion National Park. We’ll be roughing it in just a sleeping bag under the stars and I can’t wait!

At the same time, I’m a little nervous to be so isolated from other people and society. I’m a city girl at heart now and wide open spaces creep me out a bit. I just don’t want any The Hills Have Eyes shit goin’ down.

Ugly people just freak me out, whether they’re radioactive hillbilly mutants or redneck Mormons dressed in homemade fashions.

That dress is from the pre-Jurassic period, is it not? (btw, Mormons don’t believe in dinosaurs).